So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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