I love black thongs
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
