I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
