wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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