you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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