Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
