dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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