did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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