Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
