so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She's the barista slut.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
