I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
