Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
