Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We are all done wearing pants today
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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