I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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