I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
