You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
