Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
