Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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