she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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