im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
