I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
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