I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
