How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i think i have herpe
just one?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
