I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
