Cold hands, warm shart.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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