Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
