I think im going to throw up on grandma
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize