Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
