Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
