Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
