last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
