i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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