"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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