just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
