You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
