No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
