Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
