it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
