I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You don't make any sense
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