I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
