How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
