well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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