you guys were way drunker than both of me
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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