Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm at about main and main street
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
