hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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