hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
