I wanna bring you to show and tell
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
