Apparently you make a good broom.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
