Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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