I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So much Jack, so little girl.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
