Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
