Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
