Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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