I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
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