Three words: puerto rican gang bang
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
