respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
