the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
