He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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