she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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