I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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