I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
