Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
