Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize