Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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