your thong is hanging out like whoa
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
