it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Randomize
