I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
