speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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