tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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