Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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