She said her name was "party"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
