I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
