just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize